Me: We have a lot to talk about next time I see you. Ill get you drunk or something first so we dont creep each other out. i'm not little anymore.
Him: Huh? Okay. I was not aware we had stuff to talk about. Your scaring me.
Me: You've been scaring me. We're scaring each other already, great. Oh well. i think it'll be okay if i mostly keep you drunk and stuff :)
Him: I wouldn't be scared of me. Ive recently had some traumatic shit happen. Your the one saying weird shit for no reason...
Me: Oh, maybe its your traumatic shit thats scaring me. Idk what happened so i cant feel bad for you other than knowing something horrible happened. I feel better
Him: Thats good. Do we still have alot to talk about now?
Me: I still remember it but i dont feel it like i did a few minutes ago. I should do more drugs
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: Havin a head trip, dont worrryyy
Him: You are a head trip. I need you to not trip out on me. I cant deal with shit like that right now.
Me: Ok bye mark poop ill see you soon maybe *kiss wait how much longer will you be here?
Him: Who knows. You probably wont see me cause your being weird.
Me: Ok
Him: You can ifn you want. Just gimme a call and come over and no weirdness.
Me: I thought you were being weird and it was creepin me out. We're fine. Ill come over soon
Him: No im just damaged. Sorry.
Me: I know. I love you.
Him: Love you too. Ill wait for you to hit me up sometime.
Later on...
Me: I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis or something. goodnighttt
Him: Well i didnt give you that
made me smile :)
I wish we could stay the same forever. Me not being a minor anymore caused a little weirdness for a few reasons but I think we'll be okay. As long as we never give each other titles or talk too much about feelings or anything else. And not see each other too often. We really like each other... but we don't want to. And if we admit it and be honest and talk about real things for a change, everything will be ruined, because it's too weird. But he is totally being weird because he said his ex made him sad and I told him he needed a tar hug (because the weirdly in love on my part and the sexual neediness on his part is completely normal for us) and he told me to come over and it made me feel weird because last time I saw him he was all "you're like... weirdly in love with me, aren't you?" and that was okay because that's the way it's always been, but I am actually fairly-tale not-weirdly falling in love with Hancock, and I don't want to have sex with FWB but if I can't fuck FWB all we will have is feelings and that's gonna ruin everything?! wtf I don't know what to dooo.
Hancock will just have to be ok with this if he ever finds out. I don't want to lie to him and I want him to know every aspect of my being and like me anyway, but I know he won't like this. And that makes me not even want it. I've molded to him and I don't want anything that will jeopardize his feelings for me. But I don't want things to be weird with FWB, because after all, with me and him, we're the forever type (as long as it doesn't get too real). And we kind of like each other as people. But we shouldn't ever date each other, and I'll never pick up my life to go be with him, and vice versa. But I'm starting to think that he is starting to think that I would be good for him and he wants to be with me, but that creeps me out and I don't want it. And I'm sure that, if the same has occurred to him, it creeps him out too. But not to the point of wanting to stay away from me. I want everything to stay the same and I always want to like him way more than he likes me. It's easier that way. It was easy when he was with his last gf because he loved her and didn't pay much attention to me and everything was fine. Now he's paying a lot of attention to me and it's weird... I'd be fine with it and deal with everything accordingly if it weren't for Hancock, because I don't want to hurt him. I told him I was going to try not to. And because he is not prepared to deal with my extra-marital affairs, if he knows about me and FWB, all he'll see is "you like him and you have sex with him sometimes" and then he will convince himself that I am gross, and I'm not. I am beginning to genuinely and totally not weirdly and completely honestly fall in love with this kid, and that alone may keep me and FWB on a good level... sex, stds, and Hancock's reaction to all this are the only potential problems.
It'll be okay. Everything will turn out as it should.
♥-t
Friday, January 27, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
butterflies
One thing I know I will remember for the rest of my life...
I had left his house in the middle of the night with all my stuff and took a taxi to a motel, and he came by my room the next day. The previous night had not gone well, so we had agreed to just talk and end things on a mutual note. While we were sitting at the foot of the bed, he had fallen silent and sat staring at the wall after something one of us had said.. and out of nowhere he leaned over and kissed me super soft; one kiss that I will remember as long as I live. That moment gave me the most fluttery butterflies I have ever felt.
It's the only clear memory of tummy butterflies I have...
I had left his house in the middle of the night with all my stuff and took a taxi to a motel, and he came by my room the next day. The previous night had not gone well, so we had agreed to just talk and end things on a mutual note. While we were sitting at the foot of the bed, he had fallen silent and sat staring at the wall after something one of us had said.. and out of nowhere he leaned over and kissed me super soft; one kiss that I will remember as long as I live. That moment gave me the most fluttery butterflies I have ever felt.
It's the only clear memory of tummy butterflies I have...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Ran across this lovely piece
on a lady's blog while I was looking for pictures of beautiful people with split tongues..!
She didn't write this, but this girl is super awesome and has a shit ton of cool stuff to say. She has her damn tongue split, dresses like the maniac I wish I was, and does currrrazy things with hair.
GO READ HER BLOG NOW.
Anywayz...
*ahem*
The Mayonnaise Jar
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.'
'The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.'
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.'
'If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
What is in your jar..?
♥-t
She didn't write this, but this girl is super awesome and has a shit ton of cool stuff to say. She has her damn tongue split, dresses like the maniac I wish I was, and does currrrazy things with hair.
GO READ HER BLOG NOW.
Anywayz...
*ahem*
The Mayonnaise Jar
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.'
'The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.'
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.'
'If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.'
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
What is in your jar..?
♥-t
piercings kay
Current:
14g double earlobes. First pair I got when I was 6 months old, only piercing I will have ever gotten done with a gun. Parents... don't pierce your infants. It should be their choice. Not to say I wish my mom hadn't done it, they turned out fine and I'm glad I have em, though I do wish I was old enough to remember the experience :p
Susie did the second ones at her boyfriend's house the day before I went to Florida this year, and they are my newest piercings. I had pierced them a month or two before, but I did it in a mirror and one of them was crooked and I felt gross having just one. The new ones are pretty much healed, but since we pierced through scar tissue they still get a little mad sometimes.
14g bellly. First conscious piercing ever. I was super nerrrvous. I believe I got this when I was... seventeen? Thank you Shelbaay :]
16g nipples! Pierced at 14g. 18th birthday... Laurence was there. First and only night I've ever had champagne.. champagne to ease the nipple pain. yup. They didn't really hurt as bad as I was expecting. Physical pain almost never does...
14g left scaffold. Christmas eve 2010. Got them with a good friend for presents. As of a month ago I can finally tell people "they don't hurt anymore."
Aaaand my septum. Originally pierced at 14g in September 2010. I have since pierced it with 16g needles three times... I think the jewelry that's in it now is an 18g ring. I can never remember. I've had this one for a few months and I would like to re-pierce it again. Hurts like a bitchhh. When it's finally where I want it to be I'll just say I've had it since 2010. whatevs.
Maybe I'll put up pics someday, when I'm not so lazy.
~~~~~~~
Piercings I want...
7 perfectly spaced, uniform helix piercings at 16g or 18g. Reppin' the gays.
Mine will both start and end lower than his.
Both tragus, probably. Maybe only on the left... I'll see how unbalanced I feel after I get the seven on my right ear. Dunno if my tragus' are even big enough :o
Both inner conch's... however you spell that. If placed in my personal area of preference with the right bead size for the newly pierced's ear, these are seeexy. For initial healing comfort I'll have these pierced with barbells, and when they are healed I'll try out rings of some sort and see which I like better.
I really like the medusa. I've been told it would look good on me and I really reallly like it, so I'll try it out eventually to see how silly I may or may not think it looks...
Double tongueee. :d
And I am almost a million percent sure I want to split my tongue EVENTUALLY, so I'll probably get my tongue pierced a third time (or first time before I get the doubles...?) up relatively high and then I can have two perfectly symmetrical pierced tongues. God damn, I wish I could clone myself. seczii as fk.
I also wanted to get the vertical labret for the looongest time, but I don't have the cocktastic lips that tend to make that piercing look awesome, so I began entertaining the idea of an inverse vertical labret... and then I discovered the horizontal lip piercing. That's what I really want, it's SUPER CUTE but I hear it can be rather uncomfortable to eat or smile or talk or do purty much anything besides not move. So I think I may want to do a double inverse vertical labret. Same effect, potentially less rejection. If they are placed right and I don't mess with them, they'll last as long as I want.
This just looks uncomfortable.
I kind of tend to get piercings after something life changing... like, I've never gotten a piercing that didn't/doesn't MEAN something beyond having a piece of metal stuck in me. All of the piercings I have (except the first lobes) have a meaning or important memory behind the piercing itself. I could do all of the other piercings I want right now, but I've decided to wait until something happens that makes getting them memorable... for example, I'm getting the 7 on my ear to have a slightly more permanent and subtle way of exuding my faggotry. The conch's I hope to get sometime within the next year or two, because I want to be with a particular human being when I get them...
♥-t
14g double earlobes. First pair I got when I was 6 months old, only piercing I will have ever gotten done with a gun. Parents... don't pierce your infants. It should be their choice. Not to say I wish my mom hadn't done it, they turned out fine and I'm glad I have em, though I do wish I was old enough to remember the experience :p
Susie did the second ones at her boyfriend's house the day before I went to Florida this year, and they are my newest piercings. I had pierced them a month or two before, but I did it in a mirror and one of them was crooked and I felt gross having just one. The new ones are pretty much healed, but since we pierced through scar tissue they still get a little mad sometimes.
14g bellly. First conscious piercing ever. I was super nerrrvous. I believe I got this when I was... seventeen? Thank you Shelbaay :]
16g nipples! Pierced at 14g. 18th birthday... Laurence was there. First and only night I've ever had champagne.. champagne to ease the nipple pain. yup. They didn't really hurt as bad as I was expecting. Physical pain almost never does...
14g left scaffold. Christmas eve 2010. Got them with a good friend for presents. As of a month ago I can finally tell people "they don't hurt anymore."
Aaaand my septum. Originally pierced at 14g in September 2010. I have since pierced it with 16g needles three times... I think the jewelry that's in it now is an 18g ring. I can never remember. I've had this one for a few months and I would like to re-pierce it again. Hurts like a bitchhh. When it's finally where I want it to be I'll just say I've had it since 2010. whatevs.
Maybe I'll put up pics someday, when I'm not so lazy.
~~~~~~~
Piercings I want...
7 perfectly spaced, uniform helix piercings at 16g or 18g. Reppin' the gays.
Mine will both start and end lower than his.
Both tragus, probably. Maybe only on the left... I'll see how unbalanced I feel after I get the seven on my right ear. Dunno if my tragus' are even big enough :o
Both inner conch's... however you spell that. If placed in my personal area of preference with the right bead size for the newly pierced's ear, these are seeexy. For initial healing comfort I'll have these pierced with barbells, and when they are healed I'll try out rings of some sort and see which I like better.
I really like the medusa. I've been told it would look good on me and I really reallly like it, so I'll try it out eventually to see how silly I may or may not think it looks...
Double tongueee. :d
And I am almost a million percent sure I want to split my tongue EVENTUALLY, so I'll probably get my tongue pierced a third time (or first time before I get the doubles...?) up relatively high and then I can have two perfectly symmetrical pierced tongues. God damn, I wish I could clone myself. seczii as fk.
I also wanted to get the vertical labret for the looongest time, but I don't have the cocktastic lips that tend to make that piercing look awesome, so I began entertaining the idea of an inverse vertical labret... and then I discovered the horizontal lip piercing. That's what I really want, it's SUPER CUTE but I hear it can be rather uncomfortable to eat or smile or talk or do purty much anything besides not move. So I think I may want to do a double inverse vertical labret. Same effect, potentially less rejection. If they are placed right and I don't mess with them, they'll last as long as I want.
This just looks uncomfortable.
I kind of tend to get piercings after something life changing... like, I've never gotten a piercing that didn't/doesn't MEAN something beyond having a piece of metal stuck in me. All of the piercings I have (except the first lobes) have a meaning or important memory behind the piercing itself. I could do all of the other piercings I want right now, but I've decided to wait until something happens that makes getting them memorable... for example, I'm getting the 7 on my ear to have a slightly more permanent and subtle way of exuding my faggotry. The conch's I hope to get sometime within the next year or two, because I want to be with a particular human being when I get them...
♥-t
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
innnnkkkkkistryyy.
The first one I'm going to get is numbers. They're little and won't even take an hour to finish and I will love them so much! Everything you have ever been, trying to be encompassed and explained in a few little lines... it's lovely. I'm super glad I have you to share something like this with. Pretty sure we've been talking about these for... five years now, babygirl?
Can't fucking wait.
The second is going to be a disgusting biomechanical demon wasp creature and I'm not sure where I want to put that. Somewhere I can see it most of the time. That one might take a little while... but not more than five or so hours, I imagine.
I have an idea for a chronological third I want but it has not completely formed yet... leaning towards scarification on that one just because of the idea behind the piece. I just thought of it earlier today during/after crying about stupid Laurence for like 4 hours. I may put this on my other wrist, on the outer side, like a bracelet. Now that I've had a mere half-day to think about it, nothing less than methodically ripping my skin off will do for this piece. There's something glorious and innately solitary about a scar...
The third is too big and I already love it too much for just anyone to do it. Hopefully I'll be able to get that one done before the guy retires or something. He did Jon's tattoos and I think it would be absolutely amazing to have my biggest and most intricate tattoo done by the guy who did his... now that I think of it, I'm not even sure what Jon's tattoo is. I have seen it before but he was too busy being pretty so I've forgotten what it is. I think there is a dragon's head on his chest... and it curls around his back or something, I don't remember. I kinda want mine to do something like that, but just because a big organic monster thing can do that, doesn't mean a tree can too :/
But if it's possible, Jondalar's man in AZ can do it.
After all, a tree is organic as well...
So.. my first two (or three) are kinda little and I know I can get at least one of them here, but I'm going to Arizona for the back piece. Dunno where I'll get the scar done, if ever. It's terrifying, but if I can't grow enough of a vagina to go through with it I'll just never get it. Ink could never do that piece justice.
Someday I will put up pictures of all of my lovely artworks :)
Hoping to get my numbers within a week or two.
♥-t
Can't fucking wait.
The second is going to be a disgusting biomechanical demon wasp creature and I'm not sure where I want to put that. Somewhere I can see it most of the time. That one might take a little while... but not more than five or so hours, I imagine.
I have an idea for a chronological third I want but it has not completely formed yet... leaning towards scarification on that one just because of the idea behind the piece. I just thought of it earlier today during/after crying about stupid Laurence for like 4 hours. I may put this on my other wrist, on the outer side, like a bracelet. Now that I've had a mere half-day to think about it, nothing less than methodically ripping my skin off will do for this piece. There's something glorious and innately solitary about a scar...
The third is too big and I already love it too much for just anyone to do it. Hopefully I'll be able to get that one done before the guy retires or something. He did Jon's tattoos and I think it would be absolutely amazing to have my biggest and most intricate tattoo done by the guy who did his... now that I think of it, I'm not even sure what Jon's tattoo is. I have seen it before but he was too busy being pretty so I've forgotten what it is. I think there is a dragon's head on his chest... and it curls around his back or something, I don't remember. I kinda want mine to do something like that, but just because a big organic monster thing can do that, doesn't mean a tree can too :/
But if it's possible, Jondalar's man in AZ can do it.
After all, a tree is organic as well...
So.. my first two (or three) are kinda little and I know I can get at least one of them here, but I'm going to Arizona for the back piece. Dunno where I'll get the scar done, if ever. It's terrifying, but if I can't grow enough of a vagina to go through with it I'll just never get it. Ink could never do that piece justice.
Someday I will put up pictures of all of my lovely artworks :)
Hoping to get my numbers within a week or two.
♥-t
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Someone wrote this just for us
There she goes again,
She goes with the wind,
she is gone again,
Without a note or hint,
Soon she will come again
should i allow her in?
Or leave her outside the door
To find another door,
May be there she might stay
Or she might go in and out
And it won't affect my fragile heart.
♥-t
She goes with the wind,
she is gone again,
Without a note or hint,
Soon she will come again
should i allow her in?
Or leave her outside the door
To find another door,
May be there she might stay
Or she might go in and out
And it won't affect my fragile heart.
♥-t
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Look at my boots gurl
I have recently developed a disgusting boot fetish. Lately I have been motivated to actually look for a real job just for the sole purpose of buying shoes. I currently own six pairs of shoes... five of them are boots.
Pics of all my awesome shoes soon!
First "couldn't live without it" in my life. REI. 155$
First heels ever? Halloween Store or something. 60$
Supercute black Friday 2011 deal. JcPenney. 100$, paid 30$
First cool boots..! Way old, don't think they sell 'em anymore. Walmart. 20$
Badass. Demonia. 80$... Brand fuckin' new, 8$ at Goodwill :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SMALL list of shoes I want... I need to become rich immediately. I plan on it.
"Demonia Unisex Knee Boot with Metal Plated Straps: Reaper 30 Black £181.00"
"Demonia Women's Platform Buckle Boot: Concord 108 Dark Cherry £83.00"
These are kinda cool. Could do with a skinnier heel...
"Ladies Chunky Heel Fishnet Knee Boot: Electra 2021 Black Patent £62.00"
"Demonia Women's Lace-up Knee Boot with Buckle Detail: Gothika 200 £77.00"
ohgod. sexy as fuck.
"Ladies High Heel Platform Buckle Boot: Indulge 2033 Black Patent £79.00"
Can't decide between side lacing...
"Ladies Platform Thigh Boot with Ribbon Lacing: Indulge 3050 Black Patent £79.00"
... and back lacing. I think these are gonna win.
"Ladies Platform Thigh Boot with Back Lacing: Indulge 3063 Black Matt £83.00"
[I really like Demonia's style of boots, but the heels of a lot of their shoes are too... chunky for my liking. I guess that's why they call them chunky.]
Black, of course.
"Brinley Co. - Women's Faux Suede Slouchy Tall Boots"
'I would feel like SUCH a badass wearing these on a motorcycle' -Susie
"Sexy Shiny Black 6 inches Heel Platform Motorcycle Riding Boots"
I'll update this eventually.
♥-t
Pics of all my awesome shoes soon!
First "couldn't live without it" in my life. REI. 155$
First heels ever? Halloween Store or something. 60$
Supercute black Friday 2011 deal. JcPenney. 100$, paid 30$
First cool boots..! Way old, don't think they sell 'em anymore. Walmart. 20$
Badass. Demonia. 80$... Brand fuckin' new, 8$ at Goodwill :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SMALL list of shoes I want... I need to become rich immediately. I plan on it.
"Demonia Unisex Knee Boot with Metal Plated Straps: Reaper 30 Black £181.00"
"Demonia Women's Platform Buckle Boot: Concord 108 Dark Cherry £83.00"
These are kinda cool. Could do with a skinnier heel...
"Ladies Chunky Heel Fishnet Knee Boot: Electra 2021 Black Patent £62.00"
"Demonia Women's Lace-up Knee Boot with Buckle Detail: Gothika 200 £77.00"
ohgod. sexy as fuck.
"Ladies High Heel Platform Buckle Boot: Indulge 2033 Black Patent £79.00"
Can't decide between side lacing...
"Ladies Platform Thigh Boot with Ribbon Lacing: Indulge 3050 Black Patent £79.00"
... and back lacing. I think these are gonna win.
"Ladies Platform Thigh Boot with Back Lacing: Indulge 3063 Black Matt £83.00"
[I really like Demonia's style of boots, but the heels of a lot of their shoes are too... chunky for my liking. I guess that's why they call them chunky.]
Black, of course.
"Brinley Co. - Women's Faux Suede Slouchy Tall Boots"
'I would feel like SUCH a badass wearing these on a motorcycle' -Susie
"Sexy Shiny Black 6 inches Heel Platform Motorcycle Riding Boots"
I'll update this eventually.
♥-t
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)