the pretty one

Me: We have a lot to talk about next time I see you. Ill get you drunk or something first so we dont creep each other out. i'm not little anymore.

Him: Huh? Okay. I was not aware we had stuff to talk about. Your scaring me.

Me: You've been scaring me. We're scaring each other already, great. Oh well. i think it'll be okay if i mostly keep you drunk and stuff :)

Him: I wouldn't be scared of me. Ive recently had some traumatic shit happen. Your the one saying weird shit for no reason...

Me: Oh, maybe its your traumatic shit thats scaring me. Idk what happened so i cant feel bad for you other than knowing something horrible happened. I feel better

Him: Thats good. Do we still have alot to talk about now?

Me: I still remember it but i dont feel it like i did a few minutes ago. I should do more drugs

Him: What are you talking about?

Me: Havin a head trip, dont worrryyy

Him: You are a head trip. I need you to not trip out on me. I cant deal with shit like that right now.

Me: Ok bye mark poop ill see you soon maybe *kiss wait how much longer will you be here?

Him: Who knows. You probably wont see me cause your being weird.

Me: Ok

Him: You can ifn you want. Just gimme a call and come over and no weirdness.

Me: I thought you were being weird and it was creepin me out. We're fine. Ill come over soon

Him: No im just damaged. Sorry.

Me: I know. I love you.

Him: Love you too. Ill wait for you to hit me up sometime.


Later on...

Me: I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis or something. goodnighttt

Him: Well i didnt give you that


made me smile :)

I wish we could stay the same forever. Me not being a minor anymore caused a little weirdness for a few reasons but I think we'll be okay. As long as we never give each other titles or talk too much about feelings or anything else. And not see each other too often. We really like each other... but we don't want to. And if we admit it and be honest and talk about real things for a change, everything will be ruined, because it's too weird. But he is totally being weird because he said his ex made him sad and I told him he needed a tar hug (because the weirdly in love on my part and the sexual neediness on his part is completely normal for us) and he told me to come over and it made me feel weird because last time I saw him he was all "you're like... weirdly in love with me, aren't you?" and that was okay because that's the way it's always been, but I am actually fairly-tale not-weirdly falling in love with Hancock, and I don't want to have sex with FWB but if I can't fuck FWB all we will have is feelings and that's gonna ruin everything?! wtf I don't know what to dooo.

Hancock will just have to be ok with this if he ever finds out. I don't want to lie to him and I want him to know every aspect of my being and like me anyway, but I know he won't like this. And that makes me not even want it. I've molded to him and I don't want anything that will jeopardize his feelings for me. But I don't want things to be weird with FWB, because after all, with me and him, we're the forever type (as long as it doesn't get too real). And we kind of like each other as people. But we shouldn't ever date each other, and I'll never pick up my life to go be with him, and vice versa. But I'm starting to think that he is starting to think that I would be good for him and he wants to be with me, but that creeps me out and I don't want it. And I'm sure that, if the same has occurred to him, it creeps him out too. But not to the point of wanting to stay away from me. I want everything to stay the same and I always want to like him way more than he likes me. It's easier that way. It was easy when he was with his last gf because he loved her and didn't pay much attention to me and everything was fine. Now he's paying a lot of attention to me and it's weird... I'd be fine with it and deal with everything accordingly if it weren't for Hancock, because I don't want to hurt him. I told him I was going to try not to. And because he is not prepared to deal with my extra-marital affairs, if he knows about me and FWB, all he'll see is "you like him and you have sex with him sometimes" and then he will convince himself that I am gross, and I'm not. I am beginning to genuinely and totally not weirdly and completely honestly fall in love with this kid, and that alone may keep me and FWB on a good level... sex, stds, and Hancock's reaction to all this are the only potential problems.

It'll be okay. Everything will turn out as it should.


♥-t